On Sunday, I commited a crime. A henious, venial, self-absorbed crime, with no thought for how it might affect other people. It was totally anti-social, and I would like to hereby admit my guilt, and offer myself up for retibution from society.
On Sunday, I went to a public park, sat on a bench and ............ drank a bottle of beer!
In mitigation, I would like to point out the following:
1. It was a beautiful sunny day, and I enjoyed the experience of relaxing with a bottle of beer in the sunshine.
2. No-one else was harmed or inconvenienced by my activities.
3. In fact, no-one else was in the park, or saw me commit this atrocity.
So please, can anyone tell me, just WHY THE FUCK are there signs all over the park pointing out that consuming alcohol in the park is a criminal offence?
For fucks sake, there are more than enough laws to punish and prevent people from getting pissed and beating the crap out of each other, or any other form of alcohol related anti-social behaviour, so why do we have to have another one that punishes law-abiding, well behaved adults from enjoying a civilised tipple in the sunshine?
I do hope a labour politician knocks on my door to canvase come election time. I am going to invite it into my house, then beat it to death with its own inflated sense of self importance.